


The Bitter and the Sweet

by ideaoforder



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anko needs a hug, Dubious Consent, F/M, Fuuinjutsu Master Umino Iruka, Infertility, M/M, Rokudaime Hatake Kakashi, Self-Harm, gratuitous cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 14:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14286699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ideaoforder/pseuds/ideaoforder
Summary: The first person to notice Anko was Orochimaru.Yeah, she was bitter. She had a right to be.





	The Bitter and the Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Hello, everyone! Now that I’ve gotten the Starved series out of my system (I think. Naruto keeps nudging me a little, wanting his own chapter of it), I’ve finally finished my Anko story. Thanks to the fabulous lutzaussi, I was introduced to the glory that is Anko/Ibiki, so that’s where this fic ended up going. (I saw that lutzaussi posted a new Anko story this morning; I promise that I haven’t read it, this is a coincidence, and their story is probably about a thousand times better than mine.)
> 
> This fic is intensely personal for me, because I ended up using it to expel some demons. Last fall I was diagnosed with an ovarian tumor and my doctors ended up performing a total hysterectomy in order to prevent possible future cancer. It was devastating, because my husband and I weren’t ready for children yet, and now we will never get to be parents. Just about everything Anko expresses about infertility is something I’ve felt. It’s freeing to be able to express it in this way. If you identify with what’s in this story, let me know. I’m always available to talk. 
> 
> There are mentions of the power imbalance between Anko and Orochimaru, as well as some PTSD episodes, so if you find that triggering, this fic isn’t for you. There are mentions self-harm in a couple of places. 
> 
> This fic also deals with, and was actually prompted by, weight issues. When I started watching Boruto (and ultimately had to stop watching because omg, that kid is such a turd, he doesn’t deserve Naruto), I wondered why Anko had been given such a dramatic weight gain.
> 
> This, in my imagination, is why.

Nothing in life had ever come easily to Anko. As an adult, she was known for having near perfect aim. No one ever considered how much time she’d spent in abandoned training grounds or lonely corners of the forest, throwing shuriken after kunai after tanto until her fingers bled, her palms calloused, and her arms felt like they’d fall off from the strain.She was also known for her encyclopedic knowledge of poisons. Hardly anyone knew that she’d stayed awake all night for years, quizzing herself on ingredients and botany, prompting crippling headaches that would last for days. The only one that did know was her classmate, Umino Iruka. That was because he was usually the one studying with her, although he was working on seals, not poisons. 

 

The first person to notice Anko was Orochimaru. She impressed him. She wished to everything sacred that he hadn’t seen through her loud, crass exterior to the talented kunoichi underneath; maybe then he would have left her alone. She envied Iruka for never having been noticed. She envied his simple life as a school teacher, even though she knew it rankled him to be underestimated. Sometimes, being invisible was better than recognition. It kept people from expecting too much of you, from fucking with your life, from putting cursed seals on your neck and manipulating your body without your consent.

 

Yeah, she was bitter. She had a right to be. 

 

Despite his obvious talent with seals, Jiraiya never noticed Iruka. To be fair, Jiraiya never noticed anyone outside of an onsen, not even his own godchild until he was forced to by circumstance and Hatake Freakin’ Kakashi. (Naruto had a right to be bitter, too, although he was a better person than Anko and probably wasn’t.) 

 

So when Anko learned that the third Sanin, Senju Tsunade, had noticed Haruno Sakura, she made an appointment with the new Hokage, put on her most intimidating trenchcoat, and set out ready for battle.

 

Shizune met her in the hallway, holding a pig that for some reason was wearing pearls. There was no accounting for taste. Shizune told Tsunade that Anko was there while looking askance at Anko’s skirt. Whatever, Anko had worked hard for her legs, she’d show them off however she damn well pleased.

 

“Get in here, Mitarashi!” the hokage bellowed. “I don’t have all day.”

 

Anko stepped into the imposing office and firmly shut the door in Shizune’s surprised face. A perturbed oink drifted into the room as she turned to face the new hokage, one of Tsunade’s eyebrows already raised. “Hokage-sama, I’m here about Haruno Sakura,” Anko said bluntly, making sure that her hands were still at her sides even though it felt like her stomach was a mass of writhing worms. “Do you intend to be a good teacher to her?”

 

Tsunade blinked. “What business is that of yours?”

 

“I don’t have the best opinion of the so-called Legendary Sanin,” Anko responded, standing firm. “Jiraiya is a pervert that shouldn’t have the responsibility of a goldfish, let alone Uzumaki Naruto. I can’t even begin to tell you everything Orochimaru did to me, and I’m the lucky one. The other two shinobi from my genin team are dead. So when I heard that Haruno Sakura would be apprenticing under you, I had to make sure that you wouldn’t ruin her for life. I know that you drink and I know that you have a nasty temper.”

 

“Your point being?” the hokage responded, tapping her nails. 

 

“Sakura’s a good kid,” Anko persisted. “I watched her during the chunin exams. She’s a civilian, you know. Her parents don’t understand this life and they automatically think that being noticed is a good thing. Hatake has his head so far up as his ass about Sasuke right now, he’s smelling shit with every breath. I doubt he even remembers that he’s technically in charge of Sakura. She needs  _ someone _ to speak for her.”

 

Tsunade stood up slowly from her desk. “Did no one speak for you, Anko?” she asked, far more gently than Anko could have ever expected. She’d honestly thought she’d have been thrown through a window by now.

 

“No,” Anko said. She pulled a hand through her spiky ponytail, resisting the urge to pull on it and feel the bright spark of pain. “Even though there were already rumors about Orochimaru when I was a pre-genin, nobody wanted to rock the boat. They were too afraid of him, too in awe of his powers. So I got a jounin-sensei who ignored my teammates to the point where they died on missions from their ignorance while he experimented on me. Because Sandaime was too weak to kill Orochimaru, I have to live every day with the knowledge that he’s out there, that he might not be finished with me. He already has Sasuke, and kami only knows what he’s putting that kid through. I won’t let Sakura live like that, always being afraid of you. She’s too bright and new and eager. She’s… She’s so goddamn  _ pink _ .”

 

Tsunade nodded seriously. She came around the desk and put her hands on Anko’s shoulders, kindly ignoring Anko’s automatic flinch. “I get it now. I promise you this, Mitarashi. For as long as I am her teacher, Haruno Sakura will be safe from me, and as safe from other dangers as I can make her. She will never have to live in fear if I can help it.”

 

Anko’s shoulders relaxed under the hold. “Okay. That’s what I needed to know. Thank you, Hokage-sama.” She turned and made her way to the door before stopping and looking back over her shoulder. “However, you should know something. I learned a lot from Orochimaru. If you ever go back on your word, I’m pretty sure I can find some way to make you regret it before you kill me.” Ignoring Tsunade’s roar, she swiftly closed the door behind her and went to find someplace quiet where she could hyperventilate in peace. 

 

Predictably, Ibiki found her as she was hiding in a supply closet and blowing into a brown paper bag that she kept in her weapons pouch at all times. “Shit, Anko, what did you do this time? All the Anbu are freaking out and I could hear the Hokage yelling from three floors away. Of course, she was yelling your name, so I shouldn’t be surprised.The only reason you aren’t actively being hunted is because she seems more amused than anything else.” Anko didn’t respond, just blew harder into the bag.

 

Ignoring her wild eyes, Ibiki sat down and wrapped a thick arm around her, just like he had during those first hours after Anko had stumbled back into the village, Orochimaru gone and a seal on her neck. The mark hadn’t felt like it was suffocating her as long as Ibiki was sitting next to her. Orochimaru had been so smoothly attractive, like a painting. She found Ibiki’s craggy, scarred face reassuring. He wasn’t hiding behind anything. “Seriously, Anko, take a breath and tell me what you did.”

 

Suddenly, with Ibiki beside her, Anko could breathe again. “Oh, nothing much,” she replied breathily, crumbling up the bag and throwing it into a corner. “Just, you know, threatening the life of the hokage.”

 

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Well, you’ve already threatened Orochimaru. I’ll be sure and let you know when Jiraiya rolls back into town if you want the matched set.”

 

“It’d be appreciated,” Anko intoned solemnly. “We can’t have him feeling left out.” 

 

Ibiki snorted and pretended that he couldn’t see Anko’s hands trembling. He was surprisingly kind like that. They sat in silence for a while as Anko’s heartbeat slowly went back to normal. As if he could hear it, Ibiki stood up and offered Anko a hand. “Tea?”

 

“Fuck, yes,” she said fervently as she was hauled to her feet. She would have preferred dango, but she didn’t let herself indulge. Not while Orochimaru was still out there.

 

………………...

 

Anko didn’t sleep much anymore. Whenever she went too deep, she would see straight black hair and feel an oily tongue wrapping around her throat. (Why did Orochimaru have to be so goddamn disgusting? It probably didn’t even phase him when Sandaime sealed his hands, he used his stupid freaking tongue for everything anyway.) Instead, when she couldn’t bear even the sight of her bed, she distracted herself by learning about tea ceremonies. It was nice to feel like etiquette existed somewhere in the world. 

 

It used to be that when things got really bad, she could break into Iruka’s apartment and drift off to the sound of his light snores in a dark that somehow wasn’t shadowed. Iruka was nice about it and made sure that his wards weren’t too hard for her to break, although she knew that anybody else would have been in for a rude surprise. He could have left her a quivering pile of goo on his carpets if he’d so chosen. Boy had a nasty streak to go with his barriers and she had always felt like the mild-mannered school teacher thing was a front. She took the fact that he chose not to annihilate her as the permission it was and availed herself of Iruka’s snores as often as possible. 

 

Ever since Hatake Kakashi had noticed Iruka and then proceeded to piss around him like a randy dog, though, she knew that she couldn’t use his apartment as a refuge anymore. She didn’t blame Hatake. Actually, she thought better of him for seeing how wonderful Iruka was and further approved of the fact that he seemed to be taking protecting the chunin seriously. (It had been made brutally clear to the village as a whole that anyone who even so much as looked at Iruka cross-eyed would be suffering from a permanent case of Copy-nin. Rather than being offended, Iruka seemed to find it cute. Weirdo.) Anko knew that she would still be welcomed by Iruka, but she had no desire whatsoever to see Hatake’s bare ass. Unfortunately, that was something one risked by dropping in at night unannounced. She had enough nightmares as it was, thank you very much. 

 

So now when even tea ceremonies couldn’t distract her, she’d find a reason to loiter around the T&I Building. She worked at T&I a lot when she wasn’t on missions, so her presence at odd hours wasn’t suspicious. Ibiki always seemed to be there, and even if he wasn’t, she felt safe in the building anyway. Nobody could work for Ibiki that hadn’t been vetted six ways to Sunday and  _ then  _ had their brains scrambled by a Yamanaka. Nothing malevolent got past that level of paranoia. 

 

When the stars aligned and there weren’t any traitors or missing-nin to be worked over, Ibiki would come and drag Anko into his office and give her a stack of paperwork to file. The repetitive nature of the job was like a drug, and Anko would generally wake up the next morning on Ibiki’s couch, a cup of tea at her side. On the really,  _ really _ bad nights, when even filing couldn’t help, Ibiki would walk her home as the sun rose over the horizon, a firm hand on her elbow as if to keep her from floating away. He would shoo her into her apartment as the birds chirped sleepily, listen for her wards to activate, and then amble on home, his back a straight line and his expression grim. 

 

She tried not to dwell on the fact that there was a small part of her that didn’t mind the really bad nights simply because she liked feeling Ibiki holding her to earth. Sometimes she could even trick herself into going back to sleep by imagining the pressure of his hand on her elbow. She didn’t have a problem. She  _ didn’t. _

 

Suddenly, Anko looked around and it had been two years since the mess of Orochimaru’s attack and the Sandaime’s death. A lot had changed. The walls around the village were whole again, Tsunade was such an ungodly terror that she kept enemies at bay on reputation alone, and Iruka was walking around with stars in his eyes instead of looking longingly at a quiet ramen stand. Anko could feel herself breathing a little easier. Maybe the peace would last just a little longer. Maybe she could actually learn how to sleep again, how not to wear her weapons pouch at all times, even when she was alone in her apartment. Maybe she could be brave enough to ask Ibiki to get some sushi with her sometime. 

 

It was that wild desperation for normalcy that made her say yes when Kurenai asked her to go to dinner with the other jounin. She didn’t even get outrageously drunk at the dinner, like she usually did at these things did out of awkwardness. She sank into the familiarity of friends like it was a cozy blanket. Gai was gesticulating wildly at a bored-eyed Kakashi and Asuma’s cigarette smoke felt comforting rather than irritating. Iruka (who was considered an honorary jounin - the only reason he wasn’t one officially was because he wanted to keep teaching full time) was telling Anko about his latest class of terrors when Ibiki walked into the bar. Anko felt her heart pounding and it took an embarrassingly long minute for her to realize that it wasn’t from fear. 

 

She scooted over in the booth and tried to hide her twitching fingers as Ibiki sank down beside her with a grunt. “Anything good to eat here?” he asked Anko, his voice so deep that it rumbled in her chest. It was all she could do not to purr from pleasure. Damn, she was easy when it came to him.

 

“The dumplings are pretty good,” she responded lightly. She caught Kakashi sending her a funny look and willed him to look away before she had to kill him for knowing too much. He always knew too much, damn him. 

 

When the waitress came around, Ibiki ordered the dumplings with a nod at Anko. She flushed and downed the rest of her sake in a way that would have made Tsunade proud. The conversation ebbed and flowed pleasantly until it settled on the newly minted chunin, and everybody had to hunker down under the table for a minute to keep from being drowned by Gai’s Manly Tears of Joy. “My beloved students have all overcome so much to become passionate shinobi!” he declaimed, striking a pose on top of the table. “I was truly blessed to have been their sensei! They will bring Honor and Glory to Konoha!”

 

“Yeah, right, we know,” Kakashi said tiredly, rolling his eye. “Now get down from there before we’re kicked out again. You ruin more tables, Gai, I swear…”

 

Before Gai and Kakashi could get into a spat, Kurenai butted in. “Asuma and I are proud of our teams as well. They’re a good bunch of kids, all of them.” Everyone was carefully looking anywhere but at Kakashi. Uchiha Sasuke’s figure seemed to be hovering over them and Kurenai quickly moved the conversation along. “Now, who wants some dango?”

 

“Me!” Anko crowed, surprising even herself. She rarely indulged in sweets anymore, despite how very much she loved them. The calories were too hard to get rid of later to make it worth the temporary pleasure.

 

The group had polished off another bottle of sake and two plates of dango when suddenly Kotetsu body flickered into the bar. He spotted the table of jounin and ran over. “Guys, Tsunade wants everyone in her office on the double!” he panted.

 

Suddenly sober, the entire group moved as one towards the door. “Invaders?” Ibiki growled. His hand was on the small of Anko’s back. It was the only thing keeping her from drawing her tanto. 

 

“No,” Kotetsu said. “Refugees, at least a hundred of them. From Sound. They said that Orochimaru was experimenting on them and they managed to escape while he was away.”

 

Anko felt everyone’s eyes sliding over to her as the blood drained from her face. Iruka was suddenly at her other side, his hands hovering. He knew better than to touch her when she was triggered. “Anko?” he asked, cautiously, looking as though he wanted to shelter her like one of his students.

 

Anko shrugged him off and ruthlessly pulled her hair back into her battle-ready ponytail. “I”m fine. Let’s go,” she growled as she took off towards Hokage Tower. She heard the patter of her friends’ footsteps behind her as she cursed herself. She should have known better than to have worn her hair down. She should have known that she couldn’t have dinner with friends or hope to end the night with Ibiki’s hands in more interesting places than her elbow. 

 

She should have fucking known better. 

 

Hokage Tower was a madhouse when they arrived. The refugees were dressed in little more than rags, and their eyes stared blankly at the walls. Tsunade seemed to be everywhere at once, healing wounds and bellowing orders while Shikaku ghosted at her side. Shizune appeared to have been eaten by paperwork as she pulled records and blueprints and figured out where the refugees could be housed in the village. Ibiki was busy checking that none of the refugees was actually Orochimaru in disguise, and Anko, with her expertise in infiltration, was told to him help him by the Hokage. 

 

A few times she looked over at Kurenai and Iruka, who were busy comforting the children, handing out teddy bears and hugs, reading stories and wiping tears. Her heart ached. She stroked the kunai hidden up her sleeve, intentionally nicking her forearm where no one could see it, and got back to work. The pain grounded her and helped her focus.

 

Finally, finally, the last of the refugees were led to a dorm where they could live while going through the asylum process. “Thank you for all your hard work,” a weary Tsunade told the assembled jounin. “Now, everyone go home and get some sleep. You all stink and I can’t stand the sight of you for another minute more.” 

 

Anko numbly left the Tower after watching Kakashi lead Iruka away. Iruka looked like he was asleep on his feet, and there was a dark circle under Hatake’s visible eye while his fingers rubbed at the Sharingan under his hitai-ate. Asuma hadn’t bothered with walking. He’d simply swept Kurenai up in his arms and body flickered them away. Even Gai was speaking at a normal volume and looked to be headed home, not running a thousand laps around the city walls.

 

It took Anko two blocks to realize that Ibiki was walking beside her as she made her way home and she was too exhausted to hide that it startled her badly. “Aren’t you tired?” she snapped, trying to recover from her fright.  

 

“Yes,” he responded, totally unfazed. “So are you.”

 

“Don’t you have your own home to go to?”

 

“Yes,” Ibiki said again. His voice was the definition of mild. “But I’m not so tired that I’ve forgotten where my weapons are and cut myself. I’m making sure you get home without further injury.” His eyes flickered to Anko’s sleeve and she refused to rise to the obvious bait. Of course he had noticed.

 

She didn’t look at him again for the rest of the walk. She didn’t touch the brand on her neck, either, despite the fact that it was burning. When Anko got to her building, she didn’t linger to enjoy the warmth of another person beside her. She marched straight into her apartment and shut the door firmly behind her. Ibiki stood outside the door for a minute, then she heard his slow steps as he walked away.

 

Flopping onto the couch, Anko finally let go of her resolve and trembled. She couldn’t close her eyes as she restlessly tracked the shadows in her apartment. Working with Ibiki, she’d gotten to hear all the refugees’ stories firsthand. Stories of floating in tanks, of being systemically subjected to poisons, of their children being exposed to various illnesses, of living crammed in cells as Orochimaru practiced his jutsu and snakes slithered by… 

 

She had been enjoying time with her friends while they suffered. She had been eating dango while they ran for their lives.

 

Anko barely made it to the toilet before she vomited up everything she’d eaten in the last few hours. The dango wasn’t sweet anymore. 

 

She gargled mouthwash and spit at the sink, changed her clothes, and then was back out her door as she headed for the training grounds. It was either that or quality time with a kunai, and scars were difficult to hide in a shinobi village.

 

Hours later, she was dizzy with exhaustion, but she couldn’t make her body stop moving. She wanted to weep when she began yet another kata, her limbs moving against her will. She had thrown kunai and shuriken until she had run out of weapons, she had used every exploding tag she had in her pouch, and her chakra was almost gone after practicing all of her jutsu multiple times. All she had left now was sheer physical exercise. At one point, an Anbu wearing a cat mask had shown up on the borders of the training ground and silently watched her as she ran laps, no doubt drawn by the killing intent she was putting out. She had ignored him until he left her alone again. 

 

She struggled into one final pose before her body utterly gave out and she crumpled to the ground. A warm hand wrapped around her wrist and Anko mewled at the gentle touch. “Are you done yet?” she heard Ibiki ask quietly.

  
“No,” she sobbed. She didn’t know when she’d started crying. “It’s never done. I’m never done, I’ll never be enough, it’ll never be over…”

 

Ibiki didn’t bother answering, even though she probably deserved to be smacked like a hysterical child. Instead, he sat down against a tree, pulled Anko into his lap, and rocked her while she sobbed. He pulled the tie out of her ponytail and ran his fingers through her sweaty hair. She knew it had to be disgusting and that she was getting snot on his jacket and she hated absolutely everything about herself. Most of all, she hated the brand on her neck that meant that she would never belong to herself. She would always be Orochimaru’s. Everywhere she went, a piece of him went with her. 

 

Finally, her sobs slowed, then stopped altogether. It felt as if she and Ibiki were inside their very own barrier, sealed off from the world and safe, if only for a minute. “How did you find me?” she asked.

 

He was silent for a moment. “Cat came and got me. He said you looked like you needed a friend. I’m sorry, Anko. I should have stayed with you. I know that hearing about Orochimaru upsets you.”

 

“Well, Cat was right, but it more than upsets me. Did you know that the seal isn’t everything Orochimaru did to me?” Anko mumbled into his jacket, words leaking out like poison.

 

Ibiki’s chest moved steadily underneath her ear. “I know that he was cruel, and that he manipulated you,” he replied.

 

“No, that’s not what I mean,” Anko said, closing her eyes. She counted ten, then twenty of Ibiki’s quiet breaths before she was able to continue. “While I was under his genjutsu, after he had given me the seal and knew that I would live, Orochimaru did surgery on me. I didn’t know until a few weeks later when I didn’t get my period and I went to the medi-nins. I was afraid I was pregnant,” she said with a bitter laugh. “It turned out that that wasn’t possible. I’ll never be pregnant. The bastard sterilized me, Ibiki. He took everything, my womb, my ovaries, everything. We still don’t know why he did it.”

 

Ibiki sucked in a breath. “Anko… I had no idea.”

 

“Nobody does, except Iruka. I told him one night when we were drunk and he was sad about Naruto having to leave. He’d never tell a soul.”

 

Ibiki shook his head. “It wasn’t even in your file.”

 

“The surgery was hushed up by the Sandaime. He thought that it might frighten people even more if they knew what Orochimaru had done. As if sterilization is the worst of his crimes.” She wrapped her hand around Ibiki’s wrist so that she could feel his pulse. “I’m the last of my clan. I will never hold a child, never feel a baby growing within me and know that they are mine. I will never have that evidence of love between me and a partner. I try to wrap my head around it all the time. Sometimes I can go days without thinking about it. Other days, I can hardly get out of bed in the mornings.”

 

“Is that why you’ve never had a romantic partner?” Ibiki asked, his voice no louder than a whisper.

 

Exhaustion made her brave. “Partly,” Anko said, “but it’s mostly because I know that he’s going to come for me someday, and I won’t survive him. Why would he have given me this seal if he was finished with me? No matter how hard I train, no matter how much of a weapon I become, he’s always going to be better than me. When that day comes, I don’t want to carry the pain of knowing what it is to be loved. It’ll be too hard to die, then.”

 

“You don’t deserve this,” Ibiki growled. It was the first time she’d heard anger in his voice, but it didn’t frighten her. “Not any of this.”

 

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” Anko said. “That’s not something either of us can know. I’ll tell you one thing, though, because I’m tired and sad and I know you won’t hold it against me,” she slurred as she felt blackness creeping over her sight. “If I were allowed to love anyone, Ibiki, I would choose you.”

 

She could have sworn that she felt lips brushing against her forehead as she tumbled into sleep. A part of her hoped that she would never wake up.

 

…………………

 

Anko didn’t say a word to anyone after she woke up alone on her bed the next day. She oozed her way out of the sheets, feeling hungover and shaky. She made herself a mountain of dry toast, swallowed it down with tea, slung on her trench coat, and went straight to Hokage Tower to request a mission. She took the long way around in order to avoid the T&I Department. If she was kept busy on missions, they wouldn’t be able to request her presence there. She knew that Ibiki was kind and would never embarrass or betray her, but she had never felt so exposed in her entire life. She needed time to get her walls back in place, and what better way to do that than by hunting down the bastard that had made her? 

 

Anko could see that Tsunade wanted to protest as she took back to back missions for the next six months, but the hokage was also practical enough to know that Anko understood Orochimaru’s thought processes better than anyone. If anybody could track him down, it was her. That was more important than anything else. Iruka looked increasingly devastated whenever she stumbled into the Mission Room to turn in her reports and swipe another job from the stack without stopping to speak to him, but she hardened her heart and kept moving. He had Kakashi; he didn’t need her.

 

Of course, everything went pear shaped. They always did. 

 

She was on a supposedly low-ranked mission with Kurenai investigating an old bunker that they suspected Orochimaru was using as a storage facility. The only reason two jounin were there was because of the possible involvement of Orochimaru. Instead of blankets and ration bars, though, they found Kabuto. Anko cursed and shot snakes at him to give Kurenai time to find a defensible position. “Still licking Orochimaru’s boots, Kabuto?” Anko shouted, trying to distract him.

 

“He has powers that you could never imagine, Mitarashi!” Kabuto snapped, whirling away from the snakes. “Stop pretending like you don’t want that power for yourself. You just weren’t good enough for Lord Orochimaru to keep around.”

 

Kurenai ducked the shuriken Kabuto threw at her and tried to get close enough to get him under a genjutsu, but he forced her back with a chakra scalpel. His fingers moving faster than Anko could follow, he wove hand signs and shot a water jutsu at both kunoichi. Kurenai tried to stick her feet to the floor with chakra, but was overwhelmed. She was pinned against the wall by the sheer force of the water. 

 

Anko was luckier. She had been standing further away from Kabuto and was able to flip up and stick her feet to the ceiling to avoid most of the water. She reached into her weapons pouch and attached an exploding tag to a kunai and whipped it at Kabuto’s head. He deflected it with his own kunai at the last second, then tossed a shuriken at Anko with his other hand. Anko leaned to avoid it, but was sliced on the arm as it went screeching past her. 

 

“Anko!” Kurenai screamed, seeing the blood. She struggled against the water and was finally able to stand again.

 

“I’m fine, just get him!” Anko bit out as she swiped a finger through the blood on her arm in order to summon more snakes. Before she could, Kabuto had thrown another shuriken at the only light fixture in the room and they were all plunged into darkness. Anko felt something wrap around her throat and panicked, thinking that it was Orochimaru’s tongue, but it only held her captive for a moment before she was released. Her seal was burning so brightly that she felt like there would just be a hole in her neck in another minute. 

 

“You’re already dead, Anko,” Kabuto’s cool voice came from the darkness. “It’s just a question of when. All you’re living for is to serve Lord Orochimaru, and you don’t even know it.”

 

A spark of light appeared. Kurenai was holding a ball of flames in her hands and searching for something to throw a kunai at, but Kabuto was already gone.”Where did the bastard go?” she growled, holding the ball of flames high enough to illuminate the shadowed corners of the bunker.

 

Anko shook her head. “Don’t bother. He’s already gone. Kabuto’s not the sort to stay where he’s outnumbered. He’ll always run to fight another day.”

 

Kurenai took Anko by the hand and dragged her out of the bunker into the light. “Are you okay? He got you with that shuriken, didn’t he?”

 

“Yeah,” Anko said, examining her arm with chagrin. Damn it, another trench coat ruined. No matter how carefully you sewed the slashes, it never laid the same again.

 

Biting her lip, Kurenai traced the edges of the cut with delicate fingers, her red eyes missing nothing. “Do you think the shuriken was poisoned?”

 

Judging from the numbness that was slowly starting to radiate from the wound, it was definitely poisoned. “Possibly,” Anko said casually. “We should get back to Konoha to report this to the Hokage. She’ll want to know that Kabuto was hanging out so close to the village.”

 

Kurenai considered herself to be pretty intelligent, which meant that she could also read between the lines. She started hauling ass back to Konoha, Anko following. She had to stick her hand in her pocket to keep it from flapping everywhere as they ran when she couldn’t feel it anymore. The numbness had spread to her legs when they darted through the village gates, and she was having to work harder to breathe than she was comfortable admitting by the time she hit the hospital. “We need some help, here!” Kurenai shouted as she caught Anko under the arms before she could slump to the floor.

 

Sakura ran up, wearing her medic’s apron. “What happened?” she barked, all business. Anko approved, even if she thought being lifted up and dumped onto a gurney a little excessive. She had been right to stick up for the kid; Tsunade had done a damn good job with her. Sakura’s green eyes were focused and her hands were steady as she started running chakra over Anko. Gone was the timid girl from the chunin exams who could barely stand against her best friend. This was a capable woman who could hold her own. 

 

“We ran into Kabuto,” Kurenai said grimly, pointing at Anko’s arm. “He got Anko with a poisoned shuriken.”

 

Anko was just about to protest that the wound wasn’t that bad when suddenly her vision whited out. “Get her to the operating room! Call Tsunade!” Sakura shouted. 

 

Why was she screaming? Anko could tell that the voice was urgent, but she couldn’t grasp why that was. The air seemed to be very thin, was she on a mountain? Maybe Ibiki had taken her to Cloud to see snow. That would be nice. She’d never seen snow. It was as she was contemplating fur rugs in front of roaring fireplaces that she passed out. 

 

…………………

 

Anko returned to consciousness slowly. Every time she had a thought she tried to hold onto it, but it would slip away again like an eel. It was annoying as all hell. So was the tube blowing air up her nose. She couldn’t remember ever having been so thirsty, not even on missions to Sand. Her back was seizing from lying flat on a bed for who knows how long and life felt pretty shitty as a whole.

 

“Easy, Anko,” a familiar voice floated over her. She knew that voice. It was safe. She relaxed against the bed and was finally able to wrench open her eyes. 

 

“Hi, there. You’re okay. Want some water?” Iruka asked, his brown eyes worried. It made the scar across his nose wrinkle and she wanted to stroke it. “Let’s not, Kakashi might be jealous,” Iruka said with a chuckle, and she realized that she’d said that out loud. 

 

“Sorry,” Anko said, flushing. “Yes, to the water, please, and if I can’t sit up soon and get a goddamn pillow for my back, I won’t be held accountable for my actions.” She ripped the air hose out of her nostrils and threw it violently at the wall. Iruka didn’t bother protesting. Instead, he pressed the button on the hospital bed so that she could sit up. He stuck a straw between her lips and Anko moaned from relief as cool water slid down her throat. She sucked the little cup dry and then fell back against the pillows. 

 

“Do you remember what happened?” Iruka asked. He handed Anko a tie from around his wrist and she gratefully scraped her hair back into its usual ponytail.

 

“Chicken shit Kabuto got me with the shinobi equivalent of a hangnail,” she groused. “Took me down with a scratch, it’s a fucking disgrace. How long have I been out?”

 

“Two days. Tsunade wants you to stay at least one day more to make sure that the toxins are completely out of your system. She also said something about you being dangerously exhausted before you even got hurt,” Iruka said. He was wearing his patented Iruka-is-disappointed-in-you face and dammit, Anko honestly couldn’t handle that shit. It was devastating enough when they were kids, and he only got better at it with age.

 

“Stop looking at me like I kicked your puppy,” she complained. “Tsunade was exaggerating. I wasn’t that tired and besides, following up on Orochimaru was more important than taking a nap.”

 

One of Iruka’s eyebrows swept up. He looked deeply unimpressed and Anko had never felt more sympathy for his students. “More important than what? Your health? Possibly your sanity? Honestly, Anko, when was the last time you had a day off?” 

 

Anko opened her mouth to respond but he cut her off. “Don’t even think about lying to me. I’ve known you since we were six years old and I’m intimately familiar with your bullshit. I know for a fact that you’ve been taking missions non-stop for over six months now. There’s dedication and then there’s insanity, and you’re so far over the line that a Yamanaka would sooner chuck you into a padded room as look at you right now. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

 

Anko felt like her face should be categorized as a katon jutsu, it was so red. “I’m trying to survive,” she bit out. “Do you have a problem with that?”

 

“I wouldn’t if that was what you were actually doing,” he shot back. “You’re not trying to survive, Anko. You’re trying to passively kill yourself. You go on missions without adequate backup, you hardly eat, you barely sleep. On the rare days when you’re actually home, you train until you can’t stand up anymore. Not even Gai is that insane.”

 

“Gai isn’t walking around Konoha with an exploding tag tattooed to his neck,” Anko snapped. “Gai has the pleasure of teaching children, of having eternal rivals, of being  _ safe. _ You know what I think about every single time I’m with other people, Iruka? Whether that’s going to be the moment when this seal goes crazy and makes me hurt the people around me. Nobody knows what it is or does, not even you, and you’re a seals expert.”

 

Iruka stood up and started to pace. “You’re not giving your comrades enough credit, Anko, nor yourself. You’ve been living with that seal for years and you’ve never hurt anyone, not even when Orochimaru was here during the chunin exams. And even if it did take over somehow, do you really think that between all the Anbu, jounin and chunin around, we couldn’t keep you contained? That’s pretty arrogant, even for you.”

 

“I don’t have anything left but arrogance,” Anko said, staring at the ceiling. She desperately wished that she had a kunai handy so that she could draw some of the pain out of her skin.

 

Sighing, Iruka came back to her bedside and took her hands, like he knew exactly what she was thinking. “I’m calling bullshit on that one too. You have us, Anko. Did you know that while you’ve been asleep, we’ve all been taking turns to sit with you?” That startled Anko into looking at him. “Yup. Me, Gai, Asuma, Kurenai, Kakashi and Ibiki. We’ve all been here. You just have to let us in. You have to let us help you.”

 

“I can’t promise anything,” Anko warned, a single tear sliding down her cheek. “I’m bitchy and paranoid and I have to be drunk to handle complex emotions. I don’t know how to be with other people.”

 

“Yeah, we already knew that. All you have to do is try and that’ll be enough.” He pressed the button to lower the bed again and helped Anko to shift on her side. “Your meds should be kicking back in now. Go to sleep, you terror, ” he said fondly. “I’ll take you home tomorrow.”

 

Drowsily, Anko murmured, “Did you say Ibiki was here, too?”

 

“Fuck,” Iruka moaned. “I was hoping Kakashi was wrong about that one. Yes, he was here, too. Now shut up and go to sleep.”

 

……………………..

 

Nobody said or did anything blatant, but after that, Anko definitely felt the ranks of the jounin closing around her, holding her up and keeping her safe. Any time that she made an effort to linger in a tea shop, or have a conversation over a cart of produce in the market, she was met with enthusiasm and acceptance. Kurenai helped her to put together a balcony garden, and she sparred with Asuma whenever he happened to be home. She was still taking a lot of missions, probably more than she should. But whenever she got home, Iruka came over, made her food, and then was kind enough to snore beside her so that she could get some sleep. It was enough to keep her steady and her kunai stayed in her weapons pouch where it belonged. 

 

She definitely needed that feeling of community later when Naruto came screaming back into the village, the Akatsuki were nabbing jinchuuriki left and right, and the whole word was being flipped upside down. On the day Anko heard that Sasuke had killed Orochimaru, she got roaringly drunk in celebration, but she didn’t eat dango. The seal was still on her neck. She still wasn’t free, and a part of her didn’t trust that Sasuke had killed his sensei thoroughly enough.

 

Then the day came when Asuma left on a mission and never came back. Kakashi left to go fight the Akatsuki who had murdered him, so Anko was the one that ended up staying with Iruka. She held him close as he sobbed at the loss of his surrogate brother. She didn’t know what to say or do to comfort him, so she just tried to convey her love with a soft voice and gentle hands. He seemed to understand. 

 

She left flowers and meals on Kurenai’s doorstep and pretended not to notice the subtle swelling of the other kunoichi’s stomach. It looked like Shikamaru had that end of things pretty well covered, and there was only so much her heart could bear. 

 

Not long after Asuma’s funeral, her pretty new balcony garden was just fucking gone, thanks to a maniac who was dramatic enough to go by the name of Pein. Anko hadn’t even been in the village at the time; she had been out looking for signs of Kabuto. Naruto saved the day (of course) but then he was the cause of a world wide war (which was only to be expected). There was madness with a guy wearing a lollipop for a mask wanting to turn the moon into a genjutsu, and Anko honestly didn’t get paid enough to deal with this shit. Then she found Kabuto and he was part snake and doing something clever with the seal on her neck and she was so done.

 

She blinked awake from a frankly incredible dream involving snow, a criminal lack of pants, and Ibiki and saw that she was inside some kind of wooden pod. The thing bloomed around her and spit her on the ground and what even was her life anymore. She heard a shout and turned around. Ibiki, scarred, strong Ibiki was running towards her. She reached up and felt the unblemished skin of her neck, then ran straight into his arms.

 

Ibiki held her to his chest as if she was something precious and for once, Anko didn’t need the bite of pain in order to feel something. “You’re alive,” he said into her hair. “It’s over and you’re alive. Thank fuck.”

 

Anko rubbed her face into Ibiki’s vest; she would burrow underneath his very skin if she could. “Did you see, Ibiki? The seal is gone. I’m free.”

 

Suddenly Ibiki was shaking Anko like a naughty kitten. “You stupid woman,” he growled. “If you hadn’t been running from me like a blushing virgin all this time, you would have known this earlier and saved us heartache. I choose you too, Anko. You’re a pain in the ass and stubborn and kami knows that trying to get you to have a mature conversation is worse than having a tooth pulled. But dammit, you’re  _ my _ pain in the ass. I don’t give a flying fuck if you have a seal or sparkly pink wings, I’d still choose you. Clear?”

 

That was the kind of language Anko understood. “Crystal. Can we have sex now? I feel like this is the perfect time for hey-we’re-alive-let’s-celebrate sex.”

 

Ibiki groaned and pried Anko from his chest. He started frogmarching her in what she recognized was the direction for home. “Don’t tempt me, woman. Let’s get back to Konoha first, where there are beds, doors and locks. I don’t want just celebration sex from you, Anko.” His breath ghosted over Anko’s ear and she shivered deliciously. “I want everything you can give me. I want to give you everything I have until you can’t walk anymore. What are your thoughts on that?”

 

Oh, this was going to be good. “Hell, yes. Yes to anything and everything. Race you back home!” she chirped as she body flickered away. Ibiki cursed and disappeared, too. 

 

………………………..

 

A year later and Anko was standing in the Hokage’s office once again, but this time she was staring down at a scroll in utter confusion. “A genin team? Me?”

 

Kakashi’s eyes twinkled above his mask. “Yes, you. Don’t you think you have something to pass on to the next generation?”

 

Anko blinked at him. “You must be joking. I’m impatient, I leave my kunai everywhere, and I cuss too fucking much to be exposed to children. I’m going to _ ruin _ them. Are you sure about giving them to me? Did Iruka approve this? We all know that he’s really the one in charge.”

 

“Anko, he’s the one that suggested it,” Kakashi said with a laugh. “Look, giving me a genin team was probably an even worse idea than giving you one, and that turned out okay.” He thought for a minute. “I mean, eventually it did. But honestly, I think that you could be a great teacher. In a couple of years, I’m confident that we’ll have three new chunin running around, swearing, spouting snakes and being effective shinobi.”

 

“No snakes,” Anko quickly corrected. “I’m never using a snake again.”

 

“Whatever,” Kakashi said, pointedly twirling around in his chair. “You have your assignment. Now get out of here, I’ve got too much to do to sit here and reassure you.”

 

“You just want to read porn in peace,” Anko shot back, but she left the office anyway. She stumbled into the Mission Room and Iruka immediately started laughing at her face. “So you got your next mission, huh?”

 

“I’m doomed,” Anko moaned. “How could you subject the future of Konoha to someone like me?”

 

Iruka scoffed and stood up from the desk, popping his back. “You can’t be any worse a jounin-sensei than Kakashi was.”

 

“You underestimate me,” Anko growled.

 

“Ugh, I can’t handle you when you’re being dramatic,” Iruka said, signaling for another shinobi to take his place at the desk. “I’m taking you to get something to eat. You can’t talk when your mouth is full.”

 

“Dango?” Anko asked hopefully. “Your treat. Kakashi admitted that this was all your big idea in the first place.”

 

“I’m going to make him pay for that,” Iruka muttered. “Fine, yes, dango. When did you get such an obsession with the stuff, anyway?”

 

Anko looked at her arms. Instead of being as sharp as cut glass like they used to be, now they were softly rounded. She liked it much better. She liked being able to be soft. “I’ve always loved it,” she said with a secret smile, “but now I’m  _ allowed _ to love it.”

 

Iruka’s eyes softened. “Okay. My treat it is.” As they walked down the stairs, he asked, “So, what will Ibiki think of you being a teacher?”

 

Grinning evilly, Anko said, “He’ll probably enjoy thinking up new techniques for me to teach my team. T&I could use some new blood, after all.”

 

“I thought you were scary enough on your own,” Iruka groaned. “We should have never let you two get together.”

 

“Probably not, but it’s too late now. You’ll never pry us apart.” Still smiling, Anko followed her best friend out of Hokage Tower, clutching the scroll that promised her children to teach to her heart. 

 

Life was very sweet. 


End file.
